The beginning
I suppose I had better tell you it all. Right from the beginning. If I miss anything out I will feel wrong.
I used to see a married cab driver called Steve. I didn't know he was married when I first started to see him. And by the time I found out it was too late. Thats him. In the light suit.
He was a friend too. I only started seeing him because I was so lonely. He made me feel worth something again. Not much, but something.
Anyway. He used to pick me up whenever I needed a cab anywhere. I phoned him one evening and he said he couldn't pick me up, but he would send someone he could rely on. Someone he trusted. I waited. A cab pulled up outside. I got in. The driver asked me where I was going. I told him my home address. We started talking. He told me that Steve had told him a little about me. He asked if I was okay. I told him I wasn't really. I was feeling down. The trip to my house took maybe ten minutes. When we got outside my house we were still talking. I dont know why. I felt really comfortable with this guy. I thought it was maybe because Steve had sent him. I knew I was safe. But I felt something more. I didn't WANT to get out of the cab. And I knew he didn't want me to get out either. So we sat and talked. I cant remember what we talked about. Nothing and something I guess. But, six hours later I asked this guy if he wanted a coffee. He said okay. I took him into my house and made him a drink. EIGHT hours after that he said he better go. We had just been talking. I asked him if he had to go. He said to me "If I stay now, I stay forever". And he did. We were never apart until the week he died, and when my stepfather died and I had to go help my mother. For 14 years we were together. That was my Phil. This was Phil.
This photo was taken a few days before he died. He had bought Tippi for me a few weeks before. Thats Tippi as a pup, laying there on the chair with him.
Oh god. I am crying. Crying so hard I think my heart will burst. I miss Phil so much. It feels like someone is skinning me alive. Phil was so much a part of me. We were inseperable. We loved to be together. Just being in each others company was enough.
I have to take a break.
I used to see a married cab driver called Steve. I didn't know he was married when I first started to see him. And by the time I found out it was too late. Thats him. In the light suit.
He was a friend too. I only started seeing him because I was so lonely. He made me feel worth something again. Not much, but something.
Anyway. He used to pick me up whenever I needed a cab anywhere. I phoned him one evening and he said he couldn't pick me up, but he would send someone he could rely on. Someone he trusted. I waited. A cab pulled up outside. I got in. The driver asked me where I was going. I told him my home address. We started talking. He told me that Steve had told him a little about me. He asked if I was okay. I told him I wasn't really. I was feeling down. The trip to my house took maybe ten minutes. When we got outside my house we were still talking. I dont know why. I felt really comfortable with this guy. I thought it was maybe because Steve had sent him. I knew I was safe. But I felt something more. I didn't WANT to get out of the cab. And I knew he didn't want me to get out either. So we sat and talked. I cant remember what we talked about. Nothing and something I guess. But, six hours later I asked this guy if he wanted a coffee. He said okay. I took him into my house and made him a drink. EIGHT hours after that he said he better go. We had just been talking. I asked him if he had to go. He said to me "If I stay now, I stay forever". And he did. We were never apart until the week he died, and when my stepfather died and I had to go help my mother. For 14 years we were together. That was my Phil. This was Phil.
This photo was taken a few days before he died. He had bought Tippi for me a few weeks before. Thats Tippi as a pup, laying there on the chair with him.
Oh god. I am crying. Crying so hard I think my heart will burst. I miss Phil so much. It feels like someone is skinning me alive. Phil was so much a part of me. We were inseperable. We loved to be together. Just being in each others company was enough.
I have to take a break.
posted by tazfan | 12/26/2005 03:23:00 pm
3 Comments:
Ahhh....so sweet how you met...talking like that for how long??? Standing outside his cab. Hugs sweetie. This is beautiful!!!
Beautiful love story....
Romantic. As much as the memories hurt, they only do because they are so beautiful.
Hang in there.
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